My Divorce Book List: Wisdom for the Heart, the Body, and the Journey Ahead

When I first began working with people in the midst of divorce, I started building a bookshelf. Not just a professional library, but a personal one. Books that helped me understand what it means to rebuild after something breaks.

These books meet you at different stages of the conflict, divorce, and rebuilding process. Some offer practical, how-to guidance for navigating the logistics of divorce. Others focus on communication - how to speak and listen in ways that foster respect and understanding. Many provide tools for surviving the transition itself: managing stress, regulating emotion, and rediscovering joy.

Each book on this list has something unique to offer, yet they all share a deeper truth. They transcend divorce. I would recommend them to anyone navigating conflict, heartbreak, or change — anyone learning to live, love, and lead with more clarity and compassion.

For Healing the Heart

• You Can Heal Your Heart by Louise Hay
  A gentle invitation to release grief and blame and to begin seeing heartbreak as an opening, not an ending. It’s tender, spiritual, and surprisingly practical.

• The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck
  Divorce can strip away everything that isn’t true. Beck’s book is a guide to finding your way back to alignment, one honest choice at a time.

• Loving What Is by Byron Katie
  A powerful practice in questioning the stories we tell ourselves and finding peace through radical acceptance.

• No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
  A beautiful introduction to Internal Family Systems, reminding us that every part of us — even the ones we resist — is trying to help us survive.

For Navigating Conflict and Communication

• Why Don’t You Apologize? by Harriet Lerner
  A masterclass in emotional courage. Lerner helps us understand why repair is so hard and how genuine apologies can transform relationships.

• The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
  A groundbreaking guide to understanding anger as a signal, not a flaw. It shows how to use anger as information and inspiration for change.

• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
  Essential reading for anyone ready to shift from blame to understanding. Rosenberg’s approach is foundational to how I coach clients through tough conversations.

• So What’s Your Proposal? by Bill Eddy
  A concise guide to keeping discussions productive and respectful, especially in high-stakes negotiations or emotionally charged situations.

• Fight Right by Julie and John Gottman
  The Gottmans reframe conflict as a tool for connection. They teach how to argue productively, listen deeply, and repair what’s been hurt.

• What We Say Matters by Judith Hanson Lasater
  A beautiful reminder that words can heal or harm. Lasater bridges mindfulness and communication in a way that feels like exhaling after holding your breath.

For Parenting Through Change

• Loving Your Children More Than You Hate Each Other by Lauren Behrman and Jeffrey Zimmerman
  A necessary, compassionate guide for co-parents. It’s honest about the challenges and hopeful about what’s possible.

• BIFF for Co-Parent Communication by Bill Eddy
  A practical handbook for communicating effectively with a co-parent, especially when conflict runs high. Short, clear, and life-saving for many families.

For Understanding the Body’s Response

• Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky
  The best explanation I’ve ever read of the body’s stress response and why chronic stress takes such a toll. Essential for anyone going through divorce or any major life transition.

• Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
  The Nagoski sisters translate neuroscience into real-world practices for completing the stress cycle and reclaiming joy.

• Too Tired to Fight by Erin Mitchell and Mackenzie Piper
  A deeply empathetic look at the exhaustion that underlies so much relational conflict and how to recover from it.

• The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren
  A wise and accessible guide to understanding emotions as messengers. McLaren helps us learn to listen to what our feelings are asking of us.

For Letting Go of Control and Learning to Trust

• The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control by Katherine Morgan Schafler
  A compassionate, modern take on perfectionism that invites us to reframe control as a form of care and to find freedom within it.

• The D Word by Kate Anthony
  Practical, empowering, and refreshingly honest. Anthony guides readers through the decision-making process with clarity and courage.

For Dating, Sexuality, and Just Plain Loving Your Body

• Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer
  A bold, joyful, and unapologetic book about reclaiming pleasure, power, and self-worth. It reminds us that pleasure is not frivolous — it’s essential to healing and self-trust.

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
  A transformative look at sexuality, self-acceptance, and pleasure through the lens of science and compassion. It helps reconnect the body and the heart after loss or trauma.

These two belong together because they remind us that pleasure, embodiment, and joy are not luxuries after divorce. They are part of recovery itself. Learning to love your body, trust your desires, and open again to connection is as vital as any financial or legal step you’ll take.

An Invitation

These books have guided me and many of my clients through times of change, growth, and rediscovery. But your bookshelf might hold treasures of its own. I’d love to know what has helped you. The books that have met you in the hard places, the ones that made you feel less alone, the ones that offered light when everything felt uncertain.

Share your favorites in the comments or reply to let me know what’s been on your reading list. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.